found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I fill condoms, not promises.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize