Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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