my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
