she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
