I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
