I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian