All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision