OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?