Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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