Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
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He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.