I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.