Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
