dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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