Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
