It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
