It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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