saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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