grandma shit on top of the toilet
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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