i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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