I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
