just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
