I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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