Please, let me fuck your mom
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
