I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
