This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
