This is not my ceiling
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i came on her dog
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
