I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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