Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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