But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
