The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
