Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
