Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
