I'm jealous of your bromance
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
