i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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