still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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