There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
