btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
