It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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