"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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