you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
