Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
