Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
