but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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