Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
