I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
