Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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