I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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