ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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