you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
