Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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