His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
