I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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