I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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