The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
