Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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