I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
