I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
