kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
