ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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