i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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