a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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