awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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