When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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