This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
