I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm at about main and main street
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
